your'e all so beautiful... a perfect picture of the texas chainsaw massacre meets scat-faced japanese porn.

i love my life. i wouldn't have it any other way. seriously :)

Current Music: Front Line Assembly - Psychosomatic

The khal'dun flower fell with grace into the lake near The Wisewood, an act that so beautifully ended a period of happiness for Ghancrii the Lioness. Though it seemed like a few eternities, the citizens of Nyahna only witnessed the new couple in love for but a few weeks. But like this flower floating gently across the firefly lit surface of Lyzalis Pond, it lingered in her mind like she was widowed during the Blackforest War, which was more than 25 generations old. While there were still survivors of that period, she felt like not even they would know the meaning of this blessed and lost love. From saddness to a full out rage, her emotions carried her with beastial force across the bridge to the bank of the lake where she found an abundance of Cyrashi stones. Throughout the next few moments, these stones would find themselves lining the bottom, still stained with fury and determination... yet not one of them would trap the Khal'dun beneath it. Some passersby traveling from The Wisewood on foot found it near comedic, ending her ferally justified rage, which transformed into a childish outburst of tears as her legs gave way from beneath her....

Love would find itself in a coccoon on this very night, churning and boiling to a dark entity of spite. Tonight, she would return home one last time and pack lightly, nothing reminescent of her love or her people. This moon would see the first of her journey via Magon to the Fracturelands en route to meet with the Ska'lah... the Arch Enemy of the Graelynesse.

trembling in the corner,
i think my secret thoughts
the phantoms filled with fear
the ones of "Can'ts" and "Not's"
they chew on my soul so slow
and puke it up on the floor
i'm so filled with doubts
i can't take it anymore.

and then the sun comes up and i forget
until the next time the sun rests to set
when the darkness settles and i'm alone
i'm the king of misery sitting on his throne

so i can't wait
till morning comes again

pacing till i collapse
i scream my secret hates
the juggernaut stirs and wakes,
i see the fire that it creates.
the flames burn deep inside
making my resolve no more
i realize that i cant hide and that
i cant take it anymore...

and then the sun comes up and i forget
until the next time the sun rests to set
when the darkness settles and i'm alone
i'm the king of misery dying on his throne

so i can't wait
till morning comes again

life is an ocean in which we swim... going as far down as our breath can take us, only to come to the surface for a new breath of air. a vicious cycle that only allows us to see what our minds hallucinate with the lack of air.. until we wish to seek clarity at the surface, floating above the waves. Clarity, in itself is an opinion, justified by what we are predisposed to believe. all there is... the sky above and the water below. our comfort and our challange... all in one place. we face our challange and we overcome it. no matter where we are in life, this is constant. no matter the fork in the road or turning point... there is no difference. sky above, ocean below.

Contemplation: 07-28-06

Disposition: contemplative

Is this a good score? i can't remember what real genius' score. pffbt.

Disposition: confused

ATTENTION:


CLAIMS NOTIFICATION


I WRITE TO INFORM YOU OF A CLAIM IN THE CUSTODY OF OUR
OFFICE ADDRESSED IN YOUR NAME, REF: WFT/AX/***/ACC.NO
57*******34.THIS CASH DEPOSIT IS CURRENTLY BEING
MANAGED BY OUR BANK HERE IN LONDON AND HAS YOUR NAME AS
THE RIGHTFUL BENEFICIARY TO THE FUND WITH A DEPOSIT
STATEMENT OF 8 MILLION BRITISH POUNDS.

THIS IS THE FIRST NOTIFICATION TO THIS CLAIM. ON
IDENTIFICATION WITH THIS CLAIM, FURTHER INFORMATIONS
TO THE TRANSFER AND COLLECTION OF THIS CASH DEPOSIT
WILL BE MADE AVAILABLE TO YOU. A NON-REPLY TO THIS
MAIL INDICATES AN AUTOMATIC REJECTION OF THESE CLAIMS.ENSURE TO REPLY
TO THIS EMAIL IMMEDIATELY (**************@yahoo.com)


Right. Lol.

TRULY YOURS,
PAUL PE******N,
CREDIT & DISBURSEMENT DEPT
INTERNATIONAL PAYMENT CLEARANCE CENTER.

...

--Listening to VAST: Don't Take Your Love From Me--

sometimes... music is enriching.. a necessary additive to the moment your'e experiencing at that very minute... sometimes... it's the taste of sugar in an already passionate kiss... sometimes... it's the meaning of life and the universe...

sometimes it makes you realize how empty youv'e been.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++what have i been missing out on?

one drop of soda can make an empty stomach ache more than it's ever ached before. one drop of passion can shatter a long frozen heart.

and beneath all the fragments of ice and muscle lay something warm... the past. shards become puddles, rounding edges like murcury on glass... then coming together.. years yonger and unaware of the Now. only the Then.

The Then is where ive been... it's been my only Zen

is it like recording on one device and playing the same disc youre recording over... only twelve minutes slower? leaving the Now with only the cold static that marks the end of that memory? do we ever come back to the Present? how long have i been in the past, drinking water long digested? eating fresh bread that's supposed to have been purified with the rest of the sewage in the state you lived in previously? how many times has that purified water been consumed by other people? and i drink the same glass over and over again...

only... the first time was the only time it was real.

yeah, yeah.. the grass is greener. that's always been my problem. time for me to deal with my own front lawn.

so i finally have my computer hooked up to the internet... again. this time, however, i ctually spent a little cash and made sure my comp can stay that way. erm.. and alive.

expect to see me here (and at myspace) more often.

other thoughts, i'm a scourge on the face of society. dont look at me for too long, lest you wish to go blind. dont get too close either, or you'll be infected.

i'll do what i can to not be on the same sidewalk as you. i'm sure you were thinking the same thing anyways.

now back to our regularly schedualed program.

remember me... give me back my arms and legs-- and anything else that might be missing. bring my face back to focus, i'm tired of looking like a piccaso's rendition of leftover spagetti beyond the plastic wrap in the fridge.

get more features... body scales to swim faster through the water. extra hearts, so that if i get cut in half, i'll still have at least one.

download a client... not someone to use, but to interact with, while journeying through life.

autosaved... no effort required to live this life, all attempts may be in vain. Asus Christ, Inc. has already downloaded me and i'm a process that will one day end.

Update journal... these are my thoughts. these are my words, preprogrammed to make you feel. i am the media- scripted, designed to carry out a function that, in turn, forces you to respond... even silently.

Me:
i love nature more than i love you. that is my confession.
God:
You love nature more than you love me. What do you like about it so much? Who gave you your confession ?
Me:
it's beauty and grace. and the fact that there is no sin if i walk alone.
God:
You're kidding. it is? That makes sense to me. Why not?
Me:
let a man walk alone, without sin and with few desires... like an elephant in the forest.
God:
Do you always express yourself that way? Interesting comparison.
Me:
it's bhuddist.
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
dont you know everything?
God:
I know that which is true, believable and justified.


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